Today, I turn 40.

Like my dad says about birthdays, “It’s just another day.” I certainly don’t feel any different. Which meant I had to write about it. Again, for my future grandchildren to know what I was like at 40. How so much of what we think is important is truly irrelevant. I knew I was naïve in my 20s. But, but, I was worldly and sophisticated and knowledgeable in my 30s. Ha. Hilarious. Again, oh so naïve.

So, future grandchildren, here are just a few notes to read and learn from. Don’t wait ‘til you’re 40.

Sunspots are legit. People. Wear your damn sunscreen. I sat in one too many tanning booths in my late teens and early 20s and I absolutely regret it. The sunspot on the side of my face looks like Gorbachev’s forehead birthmark and Drew Brees cheek birthmark had a baby the size of the former Soviet Union. And that damn thing just keeps getting darker every birthday. It needs a name. Or a zipcode. Shoot me your ideas.

I don’t clean my house for company anymore. I used to clean top to bottom, starting days in advance. Now, the guest is lucky if our toilet is flushed. My poor FedEx man has seen far too many diapers shredded into a thousand pieces in the yard from two devil dogs that tip over the trashcans. And it may take a few days (er, weeks) to clean it up. I got bigger fish to fry then to worry about the last time I dusted.

I’m totally ok being left out now. I don’t need to attend every meeting for the school PTO. I don’t need to be invited to the new mom’s group. I’m ok if I’m missing in a photo shoot on Instagram after a night out. Being left out also means I’m not going to accidentally volunteer to do something. I’m bad about that. It’s about priorities at this point. And I have a few that are more important than others.

Which leads to alone time. Oh, how I enjoy alone time. I lived in NYC in my late 20s and would go to movies and restaurants by myself. Some thought that was weird. I loved it. And I miss it. I now spend hours in our walk-in freezer “organizing”. -20 degrees. And it’s sooooo quiet. It reminds me of my mom. She always said she liked doing the night milking. Just her and the cows and the milk pumps. She would come up with brilliant things in those alone hours, while her four kids were sound asleep. I know what she meant by that now.

I miss my family. I live hundreds of miles from them. We’re a good family. Everyone gets along and we are our funniest (and meanest) when we are together. I miss out on the small family get-togethers like Father’s Day or a birthday. Our just a Sunday afternoon when all the nieces and nephews going swimming at Aunt JJ’s. The memories my children won’t have, that their cousins get to cherish. To learn from. To grow up with. The older I get, the more I miss them.

I don’t care what I look like in an airport. I recently took a trip to Sonoma. I was so out of sorts in the airports I used to frequent weekly. I realized, I was more concerned about comfort than looking like I was auditioning for the next season of the Bachelorette. I don’t think I’ve “given up”, as some may think. But when your days are spent with frozen meat, pigs and kids, I’m not out rushing to get Kim, Khloe and Kourtney’s latest Diamond fragrance. Practical. I’m practical now. Practical is the new sex kitten. Write that down.

And lastly, but most life-changing. I birthed a sleeping baby this year. My innocence…and ignorance of ‘all pregnancy’s end perfectly’ was shattered. My 20-year old self, who was tough as nails, could never fathom she would be able to cry that much in one day. That understanding grief is all-encompassing and freaking crippling. I’m not to the point where I can agree that the heart has enough room from hurting and healing. It still burns. My daughter asks why I randomly cry. I pray, every day, that she never has to experience that type of loss. I’m changed. Forever. If anything, I’m more compassionate for others struggles. I know I needed to learn that lesson, just wished my sweet, tiny teacher would have been born breathing instead.

I sure have learned a lot. Although less “worldly” these days, as my radius is only about 20 miles, I do feel like I have the whole world in my palm. My world gets their free sucker from the bank stuck in my hair and sneezes in my eyes. The biggest of them snores all night long and steals my sheets but gives the best hugs. My focus is strong. My heart is almost in the right place. I wonder if you learn as much in your next 40 as you did in your first forty. I’m ready to find out.

December 2024
- Dec 20, 2024 Just 5 more days to SHOP! Dec 20, 2024
November 2024
- Nov 23, 2024 📣📣 BLACK FRIDAY SALE!!! Nov 23, 2024
May 2024
- May 17, 2024 MEMORIAL DAY SALE 🇺🇸 May 17, 2024
- May 10, 2024 Mother’s Day!!!! May 10, 2024
December 2023
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- Dec 6, 2023 Just 10 years ago Dec 6, 2023
- Dec 6, 2023 TOY SALE! And have you SEEN all our toys?! Dec 6, 2023
November 2023
- Nov 27, 2023 🎉 WE ARE SHIPPING!! 🎉 Nov 27, 2023
- Nov 24, 2023 Small Business Saturday Nov 24, 2023
- Nov 14, 2023 Thanksgiving? We Have Options Nov 14, 2023
September 2022
- Sep 6, 2022 Observations from the Chemo room Sep 6, 2022
August 2022
- Aug 28, 2022 Why do I feel like I’ve aged 100 years today. Aug 28, 2022
July 2022
- Jul 24, 2022 Chemo and breastmilk don’t mix Jul 24, 2022
- Jul 14, 2022 Moved To A Desk Job Jul 14, 2022
- Jul 6, 2022 “Dear God, please help mama’s boob. Make it not hurt.” Jul 6, 2022
January 2021
- Jan 1, 2021 For A Moment, I Was As Important As Toilet Paper Jan 1, 2021
August 2020
- Aug 26, 2020 The Future of Pilaroc Farms Aug 26, 2020
March 2020
- Mar 17, 2020 Out of Hamburger. Now What? Mar 17, 2020
January 2020
- Jan 2, 2020 Trent Loos Made Me Feel Like A Celebrity Jan 2, 2020
December 2019
- Dec 29, 2019 A Year of Gratitude Dec 29, 2019
November 2019
- Nov 17, 2019 Think Outside The Turkey Nov 17, 2019
- Nov 12, 2019 A 40-Year Olds Key Takeaways Nov 12, 2019
May 2019
- May 13, 2019 Grief is a 4-letter Word May 13, 2019
March 2019
- Mar 11, 2019 “It could be urine. It could be apple juice.” Mar 11, 2019
January 2019
- Jan 7, 2019 Is Local Safer Jan 7, 2019
November 2018
- Nov 5, 2018 Quit your job, ya chicken. (Start your own business already.) Nov 5, 2018
October 2018
- Oct 26, 2018 Three Observations Made While Elbow Deep in Vomit Oct 26, 2018
- Oct 6, 2018 Is it a dog, a pig or an extra-terrestrial? Oct 6, 2018
- Oct 5, 2018 You’re the CEO? Wow! So is my 3 yr old. Oct 5, 2018
September 2018
- Sep 18, 2018 Wild Kratts, TedTalk and Elvis, Oh My! My NEW love of Podcasts. Sep 18, 2018
August 2018
- Aug 31, 2018 Two ships that pass in the night. Aug 31, 2018
- Aug 24, 2018 Don’t Call Me a Farm Wife Aug 24, 2018
- Aug 18, 2018 White: The Most Evil Color of All (to a parent) Aug 18, 2018
- Aug 6, 2018 It’s National Farmers Market week! Aug 6, 2018

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